Ideally, the holiday season is a time of joy, kindness, relaxation, and connection with loved ones. However, for many people, it can be less exciting due to having to deal with difficult in-laws.
Many people dread spending their holidays with their in-laws and some extended family as they have come to expect criticism and/or overbearing behavior from family during time spent together. Managing the holiday season with difficult in-laws and other family members can sometimes feel like stumbling through a minefield.
If you’re facing the challenge of having to spend time with difficult in-laws during the holidays, don’t worry; there are ways to manage the situation with grace, and even enjoy the time together. Let’s not allow family tension spoil what should be a warm and festive time of year.
Here are some dignified ways to handle those difficult in-laws and exhausting family dynamics during the holiday season.
HOW TO SEAMLESSLY MANAGE DIFFICULT IN-LAWS
Set Realistic Expectations:
Holiday events or not, it’s important to set realistic expectations for oneself when socializing in order to avoid sad surprises. Understanding that things may not go perfectly and that there will be some discomfort at times come in handy more often than not. In-laws, particularly when family dynamics are strained, may not suddenly change their behavior just because it’s the holiday season.
Instead of expecting everything to miraculously go smoothly, it helps to prepare oneself mentally for potential awkward moments and/or disagreements.
Setting realistic expectations means acknowledging that you may need to compromise or tolerate difficult situations without getting too upset. This can help to reduce the emotional impact of any unkind interactions, allowing you to enjoy the positive moments that do occur.
Communicate with Your Spouse:
Securing your partner as your ally when it comes to dealing with their family makes it less burdensome. It is essential to have open and honest conversations with them before the holiday events. If there are specific unresolved issues or unspoken tensions with the in-laws, it is helpful to discuss them ahead of time.
This is also the perfect opportunity to set boundaries as a couple. For example, if your in-laws tend to make mean remarks about your parenting style, work habits, or appearance, talk to your spouse about how you’d like to respond to such unsolicited feedback.
Communicating your displeasure helps them prepare to step in and back you up if necessary. Having their support helps in successfully managing difficult in-laws.
Set Emotional and Physical Boundaries:
Setting clear and respectful boundaries is essential when dealing with difficult in-laws. If certain topics or behaviors are off-limits (for example, personal questions about your finances, marriage, or parenting choices), calmly but firmly express these boundaries. For instance, if an in-law brings up a sensitive subject, you can politely say, “I’d prefer not to discuss that right now. Let’s talk about something else.”
It’s also important to establish physical boundaries if needed. If you feel uncomfortable with unwanted physical affection or space invasion (like excessive hugging or standing too close), it’s okay to politely assert your needs.
Keep Your Composure:
With difficult personalities being typically present at most family events, it’s easy to respond emotionally. If your in-laws are being combative, it’s important to remain calm and composed. Refrain from arguments or retaliating harshly. Instead, breathe and politely redirect the conversation if needed.
If something said or done really bothers you, try not to react immediately. A pause can give you the insight you need as to how to best respond without escalating things. Responding with kindness and tact can disarm difficult people and prevent unnecessary conflict.
Pick Your Battles:
Not every comment or action from your in-laws needs to be addressed. Ask yourself whether a particular situation is worth confronting, or if it’s best to let peace reign.
If the issue is a recurring one (like unsolicited parenting advice or passive-aggressive comments), then it may be worth addressing in a calm and private conversation with your spouse and the in-laws involved when everyone is in a friendlier mood. However, if it’s a small, one-time annoyance, it might be better to simply let it go.
Find Common Ground:
If you look closely enough, you will find that there are shared values and common interests, even if there are underlying differences. Try to steer conversations toward topics that everyone can enjoy, like favorite holiday traditions, family memories, or general topics of interest.
Finding common ground can help reduce tension and remind everyone that, despite differences, you share a bond as a family.
If you know certain family members are passionate about a particular hobby, sport, or interest, you could ask them about it in a positive, non-judgmental way. Showing an interest in what your in-laws enjoy can create goodwill and make them feel heard and respected, even if there are disagreements in other areas.
Take Breaks When Needed:
Spending extended time with difficult in-laws can be mentally and emotionally draining. If you feel overwhelmed, it’s okay to take a break. Excuse yourself for a few minutes to step outside, take a walk, or retreat to a quiet room to gather your thoughts. Short breaks can give you the mental reset you need to continue the holiday festivities with a more balanced mindset.
If you’re spending a long period of time with your in-laws, be sure to plan time for self-care. Whether it’s reading a book, meditating, or simply taking a nap, make sure you’re taking care of yourself so that you can maintain your emotional energy throughout the holiday.
Focus on the Positive:
We can agree that it’s easy to get worn out by difficult interactions, so we need to be intentional and try to focus on the positives.
You can take a moment to appreciate the aspects of the holiday season that you enjoy. It can be the food, the decorations, and/or the quality time with your loved ones. Shifting your focus to the things you’re grateful for can help you stay grounded and present, rather than getting caught up in negative interactions.
If you’re struggling with difficult in-laws, remind yourself that this holiday season is about love, joy, kindness, generosity, and connection.
By taking the high road, keeping your head up, and focusing on what you can control, you’ll be ready to manage any disruptions that arise.
Hopefully, you are able to use this holiday season as a time to create fun and warm memories. Being around difficult in-laws during the holidays doesn’t have to ruin your festive spirit. It’s up to you to decide how to engage with your in-laws in a way that promotes peace and respect.
As earlier discussed, if you are able to set realistic expectations, communicate with your spouse, stay calm, and focus on all things positive, you will be able to achieve your aim of managing your difficult in-laws with grace and even enjoy your holiday season.
Here’s to a head held high, a heart filled with joy, and a hearty smile🥂
With love, Phoenix.
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